Interview with Natasha Jiménez
In what moment of your life did you assume your current identity?
I adopt my identity in a formal way around 15 and 16 years old. I recognize myself as intersex because I decided to; my family never received information about intersexuality. When I was a teenager I had to research by myself to know what happen to me. I knew I was different from the others so I paid by my own an insurance to made some exams and I could figure out what I am, before that I was not sure but I always notice I was different.
You said all that time your family ignored you was intersexual?
No, my mother had intuition, she was very wise, she never forced me to play with cards or balls, and she gives me freedom in that sense. I was registered as a boy but my mother always knew I was different.
Don’t you have an obligatory identity from your mother?
From my mother no, but from my father and the rest of the family, yes. My father passes away twenty years ago, but the rest of the family still call me as my legal name.
Which were the main obstacles to adopt your current identity?
In all levels. With my closed family, which is my mother, my sister and my nephew, I never had problems but my extend family, uncles, cousins, with they I had a lot of trouble. In society, they demonstrate you are different. For example in my neighborhood I never said to anybody which is my condition, and my neighbors think I’m a transvestite. In Costa Rica there is an equation, all that is out of gender is transvestite and all transvestites are homosexual. That is the mental equation that Costa Rica society does. To many people I am a transvestite and I suffer same discrimination they suffer, that is why I identified a lot with that population. In education, teachers and students made my life miserable; I suffer a lot of discrimination, a lot of bad treatment, aggression, as a child and as a teenager. Also in Health Services, they didn’t pay attention to me, as happen with majority of Trans people, they let you wait and wait. I had a particular story. I always suffer of ulcers and one it explode and was bleeding, I thru up blood. My mother took me to the hospital, we arrived about 11 in the morning and was 1 from the other day and I was still waiting. So, my mother get mad and they had to take care of me but what doctors did was muck about me. A nurse applicate gastroscopy to determine where was the ulcer; she did it twice, with a lot of bad treatment and aggression. While she was doing it said that worst thing got through me and I did protest, when she put me a hose. Gastroscopy is a terrible process and she said that to me when I was unconscious. I lived a lot of experiences in health services and also in church. My family was protestant and they raise me in that religion, now I anti religious of course. I remember I was in a group of young people at church and one Sunday, the priest said in front of everybody that I was an example of Satan, in Sunday speech, said I had to leave his church because in the bible didn’t talk about something like me, it was only men and women so I was a child of Satan. And stories like that I had a lot.
You suffer a lot of hostility but you should feel fortunately to have your mother support?
Yes, I think I was very lucky because although all rejection, discrimination and aggression society give me because I was outside of his framework. I have the fortune to be love by y mother and people I consider my family. Other people don’t have even that.
Your identity is recognizing legally?
No, legally I’m not recognizing as the identity I choose. In Costa Rica is a very long, expensive and tedious procedure. It is impossible. A Trans or intersex person that wants to change its document had to jump a lot of troubles. You need money to pay a lawyer, the lawyer had to ask for medical exams and then a judge had to give his verdict, if it is positive you have to Civil Register. It is very difficult. I think there are very few people that could make it. I tried many times. And for change of sex you it is necessary another procedure.
It is not simpler to change your name?
It is simple if you call Jon and want to call Peter. But if your name is Jon and you want to name Mary, it is not.
What legal procedures affected more Tran’s population?
One is change of name. Another is that doctors do not help Trans and intersex people, they said procedures are only cosmetic and is forbidden operate or assist in hormonal treatment. They could go to jail is they do it. That is why, change of name could be the first level, respect gender identity and change sex and name in their documents. Also doctors should give help to those people, they prescript itself medicines, and also silicon without any orientation and a lot died because of that. Identity is the basis, if you have your identity you could get a better job, you could have better opportunities.
What level of instruction do you have?
Because of discriminatory factors Trans people lived in Costa Rica they don’t receive much education. I could only finish secondary bachelor and then for my initiative I studied decoration of interiors and German and English. I had a basic level of those languages, don’t you think I speak them perfectly.
What difficulties you pass thought during your education?
First aggression of my own father, he was an alcoholic man. Then aggressions I suffer from my partners at school, they hit me in my breasts. As an intersex I develop breast and when I was around 12 I had big breast, also my sister, so they hit me because they think were fake breasts, they thing were silicon but I never use silicon.
Do you want to continue education?
Yes, in this moment, after a lot of privations, I’m study a carrier in website designer and I finished first level that is web designer, second is graphic designer.
What is your main occupation?
In this moment I am assistant in human rights in Costa Rica. I give assistant about Trans and intersex topics to many organizations. I work in Mulabi.
Did you have any difficulty to get a job?
Of course. Costa Rica is very difficult, in fact I was in a lot of works, you can’t imagine. From mechanical assistant, passing for answer in an erotic line, I was in a lot or works and I tried another options but is very difficult because your documentation said something different that what you are and they don’t give you a chance.
I had opportunities in gay-lesbic organization, for some friends that present me and I had to say I suffer exploitation and torture from them. But it was the only option I had if I don’t want goes to street. And as many others, I’m very close with my family, and I am the bigger sisters, so I had to support my family, especially because they are my only support. I so even thought bad treatment I had to stay there. I never was a sexual worker, only once I work in a massage institution that was hide prostitution, to support my sister education. I was 10 years old when that happen but I was very little time there, fortunately.
How is your relation with your closed family?
Very good, I live with my sister and my nephew. I don’t live with my mother because she had a second marriage and move out. But if that wouldn’t happen I stay with my mother. She is very nice.
What is your civil status?
I’m single. I don’t have partner and I didn’t have it along time ago. I had some relationships, short ones. Because were abusive relations, they want I support them and I didn’t want to. I only accept that for little time.
Did you suffer physical, psychological or another violence?
Physical yes. I was hit in the street just for being Trans person, “to cure me”, “to become a man”, that happen when I was leave a disco, some people were there and just do it. In another opportunity, I was going to the cinema, it was about seven o’clock at night and three guys kidnapping me, get me into the car, rape me and abandoned me in the street. That was one of the most difficult parts of my life, since then I don’t have any relationship. They kidnapping me as a woman but then they receive a surprise then come cruelty. But anyway was cruel because if I was a biological woman they also rape but as I weren’t they getting revenge.
Who is main aggressor of violent to you?
Disinformation, hate and fundamentalist messenger that some parts of Catholic Church encourage to hate others. There are some priests, Catholics, that directly encourage violence and hate to population sexually diverse in Costa Rica.
I support all the pain thought the art, I paint, I sing. I think my best medicine is that I laugh a lot, that help me. And I think I am a very spiritual person and that give me peace. It doesn’t mean that I flew and only think in beautiful thinks, no, life hit me, but I overcome bad moments of my life alone because I had a family but I’m alone in this.
I sing as a. Once I tried to do it in a professional way. I went to symphonic chorus, I made the test, guy said I had a mezzo-soprano voice but when he ask me for my legal name his face change and suggest me to try in popular groups.
Did you suffer of any disease?
Yes, I’m hypertensive; I believe that is why I’m overweight. I was overweight that happen after I was raped, as a manner of defense, to not look attractive to others and never happen the same to me. Yes I had a lot of health problems because of my weight.
Did you have any insurance? Did you go to Health Public Services?
No. Thank God I don’t have serious problems, when I had them Istill have my insurance that I paid. But know I took drugs by myself.
Did you suffer any different treatment for your gender identity?
Yes, everyday. When I am in a bus nobody sit next to me, that happen in my neighborhood because they know me. Also happen when I went to a bank. They think I robber the check and I want to change it illegally. That happen when they see my document and realize I’m not the woman they think I am, the mother they thing I am. If not they didn’t notice it. When they didn’t notice are very kind with me, they treat me with respect. But when they know, they change.
What do you think about health services?
Should be a better treatment to Tran’s people. Doctors and nurses should be informed about us. They had master and PhD but they don’t know anything about transsexuality and intersexuality. They don’t have any sensibility, any respect to us. I just made a diagnostic about health services for Mulabi and they don’t know anything in this area. They only know about standard bodies but outside that don’t know anything.
Did you receive information about safe sexual practices?
I’m not only received I also teach it. I worked in prevention of VIH and safe sexual practices. A friend invited me to a course; they want volunteers to support patients of VIH, helping them and also answer a telephone line of support. That happens in the moment of the boom of this disease. I pass the curse and I worked with this organization. It was a very good experience, with a lot of suffering, but they teach me see the life in another way. It was also very sad because they were in a dark basement, some of them that are better help the other, nurses and doctors didn’t do anything for them.
Did you feel fear?
Of course as anybody, although I had receive the information. But you have to control your fear. Sida was synonymous of death, was equal to death. In that time I lost a lot of friends and that make this part of my life very sad, very painful.
What do you think about safe sexual practices?
I think there are necessary. But some people believe is all about put condom, and they even don’t know how to use it correctly. They feel safe of everything using a Condon, but is not only that. Many organizations thought a condom is safe sexual practices but it is not, is more than that. I think is the idea of sexuality beyong penetration is use our body, all of it, as a place of pleasure. Pleasure is not only conquered for penetration. Safe sexual practices mean use our body in an intelligent way, love our self and in that way love others.
What do you think about Tran’s population?
I think Trans and intersex break down binary patterns and that is what society didn’t accept.
We broke down the path but we return to it...
Yes because is the only one we know. Because our family, society teach that to us. But then, when we are conscious of that we are able to break paradigm of identity and built new forms of identities.
Feminist abandon some feminine positions and we took them and reproduce them...
But when we notice it when realize we don’t need makeup or dressed to be a woman.
What is your reflection about Tran’s identity?
I think there is a long way to walk. We are in pampers. Other sexual orientation are more notorious than us, they had power, and took off some opportunities to us. We have to fight for our space, in our own words. We have to believe we have rights as any other person. We have to teach people what is the difference between sexual identity and gender identity. Gender identity pass through sexual orientation and it means we are not homosexuals, we could be lesbians, bisexuals or also heterosexuals, is a personal situation.
What is your opinion about women fights, workers fights and others fights?
Those are very valid fights but some of them are very selfish, they conquered some power and they do other hat they receive from other. They should be more solidarity because they know about it.
Do you belong to any organization?
Yes, Mulabi. Mulabi know made an alliance with Lutheran Church. They asked me to give a talk about transgender and then they offer help us give a space to us to our meetings. There is a group called Trans World. Mulabi don’t have any office so we meeting in Lutheran Church.
How was your activism?
I was focus on gay-lesbian-bisexual groups, in prevention of VIH Sida, attention and telephonic support. The first organization I was called Matices, was the first bisexual organization. I worked for years to others so now I work for my own population. But I had a lot of unvaluable experiences.
Do you think is important organization for trans people? What we should look for?
Of course, it is very important. We deserve a better kind of life and we are going to conquered only fighting for our own. Some people fight for other population but in our case there is no one interested in fight for us, what is better because I think each own should fight for each one. It is very important that Trans and intersex population become visible in our society. I think we should erradique discrimination and marginalization, fight for better laboral, educational and health options. Not only about health, we are marginalized in many fields and it is necessary to fight in all those.
Many times we don’t focus in our own pleasure, only in give it to others.
Yes, because we received negative messengers in all our life, they said to us that we were bad people that we don’t deserve good things and we think we don’t deserve pleasure. that is only for good people.
After being rape you denied your own pleasure?
Yes, I decided it. But there is nothing permanent. I think everything development and change but in this time of my life I don’t feel prepare for that. But I don’t lose my faith.
How is the sexual behavior in Tran’s population?
It is very different. Girls that are sexual workers in Costa Rica, said their clients want be penetrate by them, they want to be passive because they see those girls as powerful women. They choose them for the sight of they penis. I don’t know if that happen in other countries but is very common in Costa Rica. On the contrary, with their partners, they are passive and don’t use penis as they did with their clients.
But know ir more common Trans lesbian, did you see that?
Yes. Trans lesbian assume feminine roll and look for masculine girls to be their partners. I think we are more diverse that what we think.
Natasha Jiménez is a transsexual activist in Costa Rica, is part of Mulabi.
This interview was made by Belissa Andía, ILGA Trans Secretariat.
Visit website of MULABI.org
