Interview with Joán (Second part)

This is a long and deep interview that gives us a lot of information about the construction of Tran’s identity. It talks about a woman that discovers herself at her 37 years old. In this second part we publish issues refer to education, violence and sexuality.

When you came the first time to Lima with your couple, had you had finished your studies?

Yes, I finished my studies there. My grandfather was in charge on my education. In the last two years in high school I made many friends, I was very popular in Trujillo and some of my friends had parents that were merchants, so I learnt make business with them. I told my grandfather that I don’t want to study; I wanted a business and talked with him asking for an investment to start my office selling books that was what I knew about. My grandfather says yes, we went to by some stock and I started my business. I was happy, I had my girl, we had sex everyday, and anyway, everything was wonderful in my life. Until one day her father caught us in their house. He used to travel a lot but that day he came back, surely he knew. I was throwing away of the house but she received hits. So that night she run away of her house and came to Lima with her sister. One week we didn’t know anything about her and then we knew she was here in Lima, so I decided to come for her. I let my business in charge with a friend but I never come back to Trujillo. I loved her so much that having a business in Trujillo I stayed in Lima and work in a restaurant as waiter
My friend never gave me the money and broke my business. The mother of her sends us some money and we could live in Magdalena, in a small apartment. But I was nothing in compare with them; she didn’t see in me any future and broke up with me. I was alone, poor, and also without work because the restaurant closed. That was a terrible situation. I stayed with a family very poor; we only eat once a day so I get drunk to calm my hungry. In that situation I passed one year. Until one day I decided find a work, so I had a bath, I dressed properly and they give me the job. Since then everything in my life was getting better.

When did you study?

I started to work and met the mother of my children. She thinks I was superman, so didn’t want to let her down and study to improve my self. I studied in a university very famous and expensive for being administrator. Then something happen in the country, the economy fell down and I lost a lot of money. I think I will recover economically but that take me years, and now I don’t have as much as I had once.
But before I was dedicated to work and now things are different because all my effort is focus on be myself. It is not important for me anymore making money. I have some business because I had to afford other people and covert my needs. But I study a lot, before now I didn’t get importance to study but now it has a lot of matter to me. My view of life is change.
When I decided for something I don’t stop until I have it. That is why some people to know me were sure I will finally become a woman.

Did you finish administration in the university?

No, when I wanted come back to university I had a bill so high that I couldn’t afford it and also I don’t care anymore that career. So I study in another university, Universidad Alas Peruanas, ecology and geographic engineering, that I all ready finished. While I studied that I also make some specialties, I had six specialties. One in Environment Auditing, Quality Management, in Universidad Agraria; then in a Panama’s university I made an specialty in Long distance education. In San Marcos I studied Territorial Order, and the rest I don’t remember. Now I’m study another career in Universidad Wiener, Medical Technology. And I make my post graduate studies in science, in Universidad Nacional de Ingeniería. There are some specialties also and I choose, Water Processing and Use of Waste Products. I like a lot the issue about resources and water. I assist a different conference related with it, also soil an other resources.

What legal changes do you want?

I want change my name and gender. I start the process and I waiting for the results. I don’t ask for anymore because I don’t have any problem to developing in my life. I present my self with my name and there is not any problem. But when I use my social name I had complications. Now I give the name Joán for my studies so I don’t know what is going to happen. When the time comes I had to present my papers with my masculine name or hope that my change of name was approved.

About your work?

I work independently but I had some enterprise with other partners. I also have some enterprise that is only mine. I also realize some consultancies. I have just published my first manual in technical cut and also participate in some activities of investigation.

Do you have any problem to get a job?

I don’t have any problem. But I don’t know is because people don’t notice I am a transsexual and that is why I don’t have problems. Maybe if they notice I had some problems.
For example, to sing any contract do you use your legal name?
I had never had any problem with my formal communications, when I don’t have choice I use my legal name, Juan, but under that I put Executive President. And people answer me in the same way. I suppose they notice this difference but don’t do anything.

What problems do you have related with your gender identity?

I am transsexual and if people know and don’t have any problem am ok. And if they don’t know and then they realize it and have a problem I don’t care. It makes me suffer a little but only that. Really, I don’t have any problem so far. I am in a relationship with this man I we go nowhere; I think is because I am transsexual, and that is a limitation for him. He is kind with me and I know he desire, we don’t have a friendship, but nothing happen; I think is because of my transsexuality.

What are your plans for the future?

I want to build a laboratory for elaborate vitamins, an enterprise. Some vitamins that will be good for the body, to make it stronger and that are good against illness. Also I want to do my PhD. Master is important but I want to make my PhD, I hope in another country. Could be Brasil, I speak Portuguese a little.

PhD in what area?

I don’t know yet. All PhD are in philosophy but I want something useful, practical. I don’t know yet but I know I want to do it.

Do you suffer any violence, physical or psychological?

Physical violence not. Psychological yes. There are two cases that happen when I moved from my neighborhood where I always live and want to meet a man; I want to know how the relationship between a Trans and a man was. I put an advertisement in internet and I know lots of men. They went to my place, we walk and talk. Some were very comfortable with me, others not. But all of then only want one think: sex. When they realize I don’t look for it, they disappear.
But there where two that was always around me, maybe they think had hopes. For one of them I feel kindness, he was nice and tried me well. Once he want to come and visit me but he will arrived earlier than I will arrive, so I ask a friend who live in my building that receive him until I come. When I come back the house of my friend was in dark, so I wait a little and then I get out to dinner. I wait a call or something but I didn’t know anything form him. The next day I saw my friend and she said he never appears and later in the chat he says hi to me. I had a feeling so I told him that I knew everything and he told me the truth, he slept with my friend. So, after that I never see him again. Maybe was my fault to introduce them, but anyway.
An other man, he want to slept with me and I say no and one day the become violent and insult me, told me bad things. I could hit them and should up, but I only listen everything he told me. When we calm down I ask him to get out, we was sorry and ask me to another chance but I said no. He leaves and I come back my place and cry all night. I said no to all men. Then I start with the girl I am now. I think what she gave to me a man never could give me. I tried she felt happy with me. Maybe she wants I was a man but she know it is impossible.
But with this girl you had a relationship before but know is different?
Yes, of course, now we had a lesbian relationship, the relation of two women, there is no penetration, nothing of that. We are two women that had different sex. But nowadays sex is very isolated; we are more in a platonic relationship, more emotional. We share a bed, I huge her every night, we had a good time together but we don’t have sex. Before we do it all the time but no anymore. There are caress and smiles.

Your sexual behavior is change a lot, did you repressed your desire?

No, I think is an effect of a hormonal treatment, it get libido down. But also I don’t need sex, now I don’t need it. I don’t feel frustrated about it. When I dream with this man, M, is not a sexual dream is only kind, with affection.

Did you have any disease?

No. Before a start hormonal treatment I pass through many tests and results were all ok. I was surprised, because I think I have something wrong but not.

Did you have an insurance?

Yes, both, private and public one.

Did you go any time to the public health services?

No. I prefer the private treatment. I prefer it because is faster.

Do you receive any information about save sexual practices?

Yes, of course, is the first you learn when you are going to have sex. When I enter in gay community is the first I learn. But pay may attention that gay people think slept with many men is not a risk, only you have to use always the condom. That surprises me a lot because they are not considered the emotional issue. I don’t think is healthy do it that. I know many people who had sex everyday. I envy them because I can’t. I don’t have even the opportunity or capacity or need to do that. But before I admire a man who can do it.

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Click here to read the first part

This interview was made by Belissa Andía Pérez, in Lima, July 2008.

Joán Tincopa Langle is an activist, is member of Trans Collective “Claveles Rojos” and Center of Identity and Sexuality New Existence (Centro de Identidad y Sexualidad Nueva Existencia, Cisne). She is also scientific and technologic in biological development.
www.youtube.com/joantincopa